Defying Authority

Well, I was intending to post a nice, cohesive series of articles about the books I listed in my last post. But life interrupted and presented me with something more urgent--and perhaps more inspiring--to write about. Such is the way of things.



I took my first AP exam this morning. It was for Comparative Government, which I have been studying since the beginning of the year, and which is one of the reasons I was unable to maintain the Daisy Edition in its original format. Aside from the studying and stress of the actual exam, the experience was a rathe frightening one for me because I was required to go into a Public school that administered the test--there would be no more hiding at home and quietly learning. I, the clueless homeschooler, was to be sent out into the unknown arena of high school--a strange and mystifying world to which I was a complete stranger.



Admittedly, I was not so completely put off by the idea as intrigued (albeit apprehensive). I have an acquaintance or two among the student body at the particular high school I was going to, so at least, I thought, I would have someone to gravitate to before and after the exam. And I wasn't entirely wrong--the sight of a familiar face was certainly a comfort in my hour of confusion. However, the experience was a many-layered one that managed to ultimately convince me, once-and-for-all, that I do not belong in that god-forsaken land of the schooled and schooling.



The AP exam I was taking happened to be a rather advanced one, which was offered exclusively to seniors at this high school (presumably because underclassmen, such as myself, are incapable of handling the course material. Ha.) AP itself stands for Advanced Placement, and AP courses are intended to be classes that offer the content and challenge of a college class--for those still in high school. Therefore, I was expecting the people taking the exam to be reasonably mature--or at least goody-goodies like myself. How dreadfully mistaken I was.



With a few cases rare enough to be called exceptions, the vast majority of people in the room were deliberately disruptive and exceedingly immature. I am sure any number of them could be sensitive, interesting, personable, and hilarious in certain situations, but in the context of an AP exam, their conduct seemed ridiculous and innapropriate. Several people kept whistling indiscriminately after being repeatedly told to stop, and the individual in front of me took it upon himself to completely demolish his pen during the second portion of the test whilst glancing over his shoulder to see how long he could get away with it. Incidentally, all of the most disrespectful individuals happened to be guys. The idea of an all-women's college is sounding better every day.

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Now, I get it. Not everyone feels that intellectual achievement is important. Not everyone is capable of total concentration for an extended period of time. Some people simply can't control the urge to whistle. I have to accept the fact that not everyone has my insanse urge to conform to authority.

Ah, and there you have it. The problem in a nutshell.

AUTHORITY. SEE IT, FEEL IT, DEFY IT.

This, more than anything else, seemed to be the general mentality of the room at large. It wasn't that the disruptive people (okay, GUYS), weren't dissciplined enough; it was that they were bending to some inner instinct that led them to defy the proctors in every way and to every extent possible. The proctors responded by offering admonishments, and declaring (I quote: "this is not a lecture") that they didn't give two cents about our scores, and if we wanted them to be tossed out the window because we were caught looking over our shoulders, well, FINE. (For the record, no one was kicked out. Or thrown out the window. Somehow I think the proctors understood that that could be even more disruptive than discreet glances).

This overwhelming sense of THEM against US became apparent from the very moment I walked in with my pack full of pencils and naivete. It took us longer than necessary (what felt like at least 45 minutes) to go over the guidelines for filling out the forms and general testing protocol. Although everyone was already supposed to have filled out their personal information (name, address, criminal record, etc.) before entering the room, it turned out that SOME of us had only filled out certain portions which SOME of us found to our liking. Hem hem, well excuse me. We had to progress through the dreary form item by item ("please proceed to section G and fill in your school code and mark the appropriate bubbles." Or else. *menacing stare*) We were also informed that no water bottles were allowed unless they were clear and completely devoid of writing. Frankly, I don't know that any of us would have been clever enough to encode answers into our water bottle labels. Were that the case, we would probably already have graduated from college and be running the Secret Service. I mean, really.

The assumption that every single student was just a cheater waiting to happen was not entirely the fault of the proctors ("we don't make up these rules" they reminded us), since the guidelines were provided by the College Board. But it certainly was helpful in fostering an extremely antagonistic attitude among everyone. Even I was slightly exasperated by the bordering on ridiculous rules, even though I took it upon myself to follow them. Had I been raised to the school standard like the rest of them, I probably would have been sniggering and turning around in my chair just like everyone else. I suppose it all comes down to that nature vs. nurture debate.

One thing is certain: there's a budding libertarian in all of us, just waiting for the right opportunity to burst forth. Control creates subversion, just as punching someone in the face makes them punch you back. Listening to the authoritative figures probably would make it easier for everyone, but that doesn't mean the alternative isn't infinitely more desirable. The key flaw of our schools and all other institutions both public and private is that they rely on authority through condescension, not authority through mutual respect. But that's a whole 'nother argument. For the time being, I would suggest listening to those in charge--and not looking over your shoulder during an AP exam.